This is my tumblr.

Here's a fucking lizard

Here's a list

• i do art
• i love barney calhoun
• i love screaming
• i love akita neru shes my fav

"Who is neru?" this is she!.

To tell barry to make a better fucking website, send him this: tutorials!

i like aven and grey ROMANTICALLy dont tell them though im insecure and unsure about my feels 2/16/2026

I guess i could diary here lol, not alot of ppl will see it, yeah? lol anyway uhhh i had an okay day at school 2day, but when I got home i hung out in vca and well, idk. My internet brother sometimes gets on my nervs, like, idk, when my medication wears off, evry1 gets on my nervs. But i dont wanna be mean! i just gotta say "well thats stoopid" when i get an intrusive thought like that n keep truckin, right? 2/16/2026

1/18/2026

THEY WONT GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER!!! like i asked if when they touch me its platonic or romantic and they said "I dont even know at this point" and went "i love youu" LIKE RBO!!!!!!! COLD HEARTED GIRL, DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS ANYMORE! I love his touch around my skin wearing my sweaters, the kisses on my forehead, and i kinda secretly like when his puts his cold hands on my neck. I keep fantasizing abt that day in gym when I sat in his lap, and I got so shy cuz like, if I had a dick, i wouldve had a major boner in that moment. ts cringe as hell, but if I had to decide who i'd makeout with for the first time itd be aven... I love his curly hair, I love his eyes, I love how he looks... I love joking and bullshiting and shittalking with himmmm FUCK BRO THWORWING MY KEYBOARD AT THE F-F-F-FUCKING WALLLL!!!!!!!! GRRRG HEGRGRHRGGRHRHRGE RAGGGGGHHHFGHGHG GRAHH!!!!gGHGHTGTHG!g!h!g!g!g!ggg!hGG!h!hgeg!gG!g!gg!g!gagyyyg!g!g!gGAY!GAY!GAY!!!!!STOPIT!!!!!!hHAGRGGHTHHTHTHTHTHTH

Nervous like a dog rn but i was sad about all day at school.... Nobody at lunch noticed, nobody noticed im not in the mood for talking... But i got to art and i was kinda doodling vent art and I noticed my deskmate, Nicole, watching me and when I was done she asked for my sketchbook. I wasnt really in the mood 2 care so I was like yeah sure whatevr and passed her it. She doodled all this. She noticed. Thank you Nicole. Imgs down below

MY FUCK ASS ENGLISH TEACHER MRS. LEASE. IS SO STUPID. SHE IS 40 YEARS OLD AND HAS BEEN TEACHEING FOR ATLEATS 10 FUCKIGN YERS BUT THIS BITCH SUCKS AT DOING ANYTHING CORRECT AND I HATE HER CLASS I AHTE HER HFLCAJF I HATE HER CLASS SHE SUCKS THERES ATLEAST 10 DIFFRENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE SAID HORROR STORIES ABOUT THIS BITCH ASS WOMAN AND I ONLY KNOW ONE PERSON WHO LIKES HER SHE SUCK SHE SUCKS SHE SUCKS SHE SUCCKKKKSKSKSIKSSKKSSKSKSKSKSK

2/27/2026

i dont have anything to vent or write on, so I have a ode to my bed. "Because its been quite cold in town and the fog just wont leave, and because im only feel ninety pounds and 3 inches of skin on my bones, I linger in the morning beneath my blankets, plushies strewn and tangled around me or on the floor to the side of my sanctuary. My mom calls me to get up, that the bus will arrive soon, but I have no intrest to leave the warmth and enter the cool air outside the barrier of the covers. But theres a need to leave, so I bend my spine upward, feeling my feet and neck crack, bending to pick up Darwin, to find where Persimmon crawled off to, and place them where I wish I was. Under a fluffy blanket, with that heavier one stacked on top, a larger plushie as the pillow."

Irrational thought: Time is my enemey. I used to say and believe in the philosophy that time heals all wounds, but all its done is tear people away from me. I work so hard on my relationships, but when I get deep, really deep with people, in the next years or so its all over. I feel like their faces and actions are engrained in my skin, im proud when they leave their hugs, their words, allover my body, but after their gone its nothing but their ugly scar left behind on me. And then, like a leech, I move onto someone else, hold on as long as they'll let me and end up with more scarring. I have a collection of dear friends that have been taxidermied in my mind because time killed them. Time is why Rae got too old. Time is why Lemon is too busy. Time is why Chuckle isnt my boyfriend anymore. Time is why Reese isnt my boyfriend anymore. Time... Endless cycling like a broken washing machine. I can feel the soil falling over their head, i feel my time with people is limited. I get a little scared to make friends. I get jealous when I know they have other people in their life that their closer to, and its irrational. I have to earn their love and every ounce of attention first. I build up stuff that eventually falls apart.

song ofthepost.

i was gonna write smth more but I just forgot

Sometimes i wonder if I should build my pedestal so high I cant see anymore of anyone. I dont think I took my meds today, so maybe I should just ignore this but ive been kinda... arrogant lately, i guess. or maybe im over exagarateing it all, because my OCD or whatever parasite my brain made does. its time to listen to some Mitski because honestly I hate myself and also love myself. I hate myself too much, or I love myself too much. When can I find the goddamn balance? The fucking fine line? Any sort of control maybe? I feel so emotionally intelligent, yet I still wail because theres still issues i cant figure out. Im a task master, i constantly complete things as quick as i can and i never fucking pace myself as I do them, i just, I jusST CRASH INTO IT ALL. I cant help the people I love anymore im too busy, and since I DONT HELP THEM i dont truly love them. I find it hard to truly love people, are love stories fabricated??? When was the last time i was dedicated to someone else thats not me without judging them, thinking their stupid, or annoying, or rude.

void im devoted to hating them. its easier than love. kindness is not free, its an expense of your sanity.

Im the burden on my own sanity.

funeral.

void \\

songcool.

my legs are shaking i dont k now why you dknow!?????? i cnat tyep correcdtly im just sliding mtherse fingers over my stupid stupdid laptop........ im just gonna sedate mysel void Both are unconvential and one is grosser than the ohter but their good distractions. void.

calmemedown.

goigng in n out my head, fucking sickos evruywhere

void

i feel so tired and forced into a shape. I thought I was finding myself, yknow? until marti. now i gotta force myself to say i love you or goodnight or thank you to a person i dont love. i had to void out some of the paragraphs here because genuiely they said some illegal shit n some shit i didnt really feel in my soul

i feeel. kinda of stupid and manipulated. I feel like i was hurt in someway, ive always felt hurt by him, but i end up being the bad guy. its kinda hard to place a finger on why i feel so traumatized, maybe i was just so fragile yelling at me was enough. He calls me "whats left of his daughter"

its never been about my music or my fashion or my friends they may not like or my dyed hair or my pronouns or my stupid gender, its always been about the trauma. idk. they reason i think he doesnt understand is because he doesnt understand that its not about any of that, but im too scared to be truthful and tell him bc hes not gonna take it well. Im just waiting for him to die so i can avoid getting yelled at, yknow. why am i saying yknow? nobodys reading ts and i wanna talk 2 someone about this but my mouth feels too locked up to articulate.

songfor this.

gfhfhhfhfhhfh hahahahaha heheheheehe coding skills!!!!